Week 7

Love Ethics

Cell Group

Week 7

What is the heart?

The very center of our person.

1 Sam 16:7But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

We need to look at people this way.

Throne of human choice.

The heart reflects who you are.

It is the drive behind your human existence.

Prov 27:19 – As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man.

It is the drive behind human existence

Prov 4:23Watch over your heart with all diligence,
Forffrom it flow the springs of life.

The source of emotions, desire, and behaviors

Is 65:14Behold, My servants will shout joyfully with a glad heart,
But you will cry out with a heavy heart,
And you will wail with a broken spirit.

Emotional entity beating inside you

Not rational

Matt 13:14, 15YOU WILL KEEP ON HEARING, BUT WILL NOT UNDERSTAND; YOU WILL KEEP ON SEEING, BUT WILL NOT PERCEIVE; FOR THE HEART OF THIS PEOPLE HAS BECOME DULL, WITH THEIR EARS THEY SCARCELY HEAR, AND THEY HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES, OTHERWISE THEY WOULD SEE WITH THEIR EYES, HEAR WITH THEIR EARS, AND UNDERSTAND WITH THEIR HEART AND RETURN, AND I WOULD HEAL THEM.’

Even though it makes perfect sense to them, they won’t make sense of it.

Provides the ability to love or hate

Jas 3:14 – But if you have bitter)jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against)the truth.

Easily hurt and hurts everyone

Is 61:1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
Because the LORD has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;

If you are not getting involved with people’s broken hearts, you are not living spiritually.

Something to guard carefully. Important thing in you

Prov 4:23Watch over your heart with all diligence,
Forffrom it flow the springs of life.

It is confused, conflicted, poisoned, corrupted, yearning, longing…

Ecc 9:3his is an evil in all that is done under the sun, that there is one fate for all men Furthermore, the hearts of the sons of men are full of evil and insanity is in their hearts throughout their lives. Afterwards they go to the dead.

Your heart is your most precious, eternal possession. It is worth your full attention. Not a mere academic study.

It also needs fixing.

You have a sick heart and God is interested in healing that insanity.

But is not a rational process because the heart is not a rational place.

Not an issue of just memorizing a few verses.

Must understand the problems in the human heart.

We have these hidden, explosive love demands.

They erupt in 1 of 2 ways.

1. Hurt – you need to love me more.

2. Anger – why don’t you do what I say?

We take these feelings and club people over their heads.

“You will love me!”

Romans 3:13-17

13″THEIR THROAT IS AN OPEN GRAVE,
WITH THEIR TONGUES THEY KEEP DECEIVING,”
“THE POISON OF ASPS IS UNDER THEIR LIPS”;
14″WHOSE MOUTH IS FULL OF CURSING AND BITTERNESS”;
15″THEIR FEET ARE SWIFT TO SHED BLOOD,
16DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS,
17AND THE PATH OF PEACE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN.”

The hurting heart is not a place of peace – it is a war zone.

Hurt is saying, “I have a right to hurt back…”

Why? Because my heart is significant and you didn’t treat it significantly.

Anger is saying, “I have a right to get them to do whatever I want because I hold the power.”

I am significant. Whether you think I am or not.

Irrational love demands

That’s what erupts out of our hearts.

All over your spouse, roommates, families, friends.

This is the open grave.

Poisoned love.

What gets you into trouble are your love demands.

Out of the poisoned love comes:

Feels good here and now.

If you go for that every time, it doesn’t feel like love.

Only gives a temporary, little charge.

Meanness, anger, hurt, demands are hidden.

Hidden because you are so conniving.

Violent in their love demands.

Destroys love

Repulsive

Unbearable

By others

By ourselves – we can’t even stand them.

Cravings and lusts

It doesn’t work!

When you club people over the head with your love demands, you scar them, you scare them, and you push them away

Not easy to come back and undo it.

Now there is alienation.

Layers of alienation build and produce such a tangled web that is difficult to undo.

Source of Love Demands (Heart disease)

You are born spiritually dead

There is a spiritual vacuum in your heart.

Heart is sick

Hidden and diseased / Unloving and unloved

Only God can understand it.

Builds a vacuum that starts to implode.

Wrapped outside the heart is a proud “Outer man”

Tough dude that loves to play mind games.

Shell we have in place to protect ourselves

It does protect, but it also filters love out and creates more loneliness.

Replaces love with demands

Utterly corrupts and perverts your capacity to love.

The heart in its natural state is being eaten alive from the inside and squeezed in from the outside by increasing layer of pride.

Regeneration, Redemption

Life of Christ comes into heart and light goes on.

Jesus loves me! He writes his law on our heart.

Gives conviction, awareness thought long dead

Beginning of regeneration

Gives a new heart

Reborn: “new man” = is loved and able to love, too.

A whole new heart.

But still have proud outer man.

All of your strategies and lies are still in place.

But decays the more regenerate you become.

Getting changed by a softening heart.

From outside God also attacks it with brokenness.

Real heart starts to shine out.

Humility is the gravity that is pulling you onward towards regeneration.

Makes you vulnerable to be exposed.

Implications: of dealing with the heart:

We live in an irrational world and need to deal with our world irrationally.

Anxiety:

Someone unable to overcome fear because they are too rational about the world. They see it the way it really is

Eg>there are some who think everything will be fine.

Can do this because they have had security, love.

This gives you courage.

Anxious person sees the real threats out there.

Irrational discipline:

Discipline has to be irrational.

Never let kids talk you into a rational debate

“That’s not fair.”

That’s true, bec what you did was not fair.”

Mom can’t explain dynamics of kinesthetic energy to the boy that I playing in the street. So, she spanks them.

Love is irrational. Operates by irrational rules

Forgiveness is not rational.

Stop thinking about people in strictly rational terms.

Justice and fairness are non-issues in a love relationship.

Not allowed for you as victorious lover to cave in.

Can’t reason the unreasonable.

“You owe me this for blah, blah.”

Our love is not a financial exchange.

I give you love because I want to.

Different principles are required.

Not saying never use reason, but not bound by reason and justice.

Binding principles are different

Faith

Mom says by faith God says He will give me the ability to love my kids. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but God will show her.

Hope – rules in love world.

Confidence that God’s love works.

If I love you God’s way, it is going to work.

I see you throwing temper tantrum full of love demands and nastiness, but sacrifice anyway because I have hope.

From the heart to the real world.

The realm where rubber meets the road.

The heart is hidden, but its connections to the outside world are not.

What are those connections?

The heart is the CEO. “Me” My persona.

As I interact with outside world, I work thru a Love Bank.

Love Bank

The capacity to recognize, contain, protect, invest and maximize the value of love experience.

Takes emotional experience from parents/spouse and is able to do something with it.

If your love bank is bad, don’t know what to do with feelings you get.

Present love feelings

Are like the $ that get deposited in the love bank

Come from love actions and reactions that go on in your interchange.

It is capital you are spending living in fallen world.

Takes energy to go to work, to teach, to relate.

Where do I get this energy?

If don’t have present love feelings to work on, come in dead.

That is the capital you spend moving around in real world where there are good guys and bad guys.

The economy is love. Spending your plf.

Super bad guy comes into your world and depletes from your PLF.

You get treated bad, and it hurts.

Love bank says funds are running low, so must do something

Can’t keep getting depleted.

The CEO says “Kill him, cut him off”

You do this all day long as interact.

Painful feedback – consistently depleting feedback

Love Bank works on a currency exchange.

It works on a daily basis.

Good days and bad days.

Bad days don’t feel like doing something.

But if keep working, just dragging.

Why do you feel the way you feel today?

What happens is as move through the day you get hit with negatives, pressures, pains, failures, risks.

Must be counterbalanced by the positives.

I’m loved.

I impacted.

Stimulation.

Good food.

If get negative love feeling, you pull out of your emotional reserves and feel better.

Then you’re juiced up and ready to go.

On the other hand, if have negative love feelings and go to bank and have no reserves, you’re in trouble.

Ran out of emotional energy.

Love Bank from scripture.

Acts 14:19-20 – Charges back in. Positive love feelings.

On other hand

Peter

After denied Christ, they went fishing, but didn’t catch anything. Hurting.

Then Christ comes and talks to them. Very excited. Jesus is taking care of them.

Why did Peter jump out of boat?

Batteries are charged because feeling loved. Jesus cooked them breakfast. If I were Peter and betrayed and have JC fix him breakfast, would make him feel loved. Went into Peter’s bones. Jesus is feeding them, loving them up.

John 21:3-17 – Do you love me more than these?

Something has changed. Jesus no longer feeding them.

He was building PLF into Peter, but now begins to enter the love bank construction zone.

Something wrong with Peter’s love bank.

It doesn’t hold PLF very well. Very corrupt.

Jesus is going to dismantle his defective love bank.

He makes Peter admit and realize that he is not the great guy he thought he was.

Can’t even tell me you agape me. Would have last week, but can’t say that now because inside the truth is you are a loser. Admit it.

Peter is humbled by this. This was poison to Peter, what made hsi love bank not work. JC went after Peter’s pride.

Rom 5:1-5

1. We exult in hope – PLF

2. Produces…PLV

2 Pet 1:4-7

1. :4 = “granted us everything” PLF

2. Produces PLV

Must build a different love bank

Old one is faulty and does not work.

Jesus gives PLF, then…

Builds a new love bank to contain it

The love bank is Permanent Love Values.

PLV are the love values that provide the framework to nurture your love.

PLV are fences for the heart.

The place that feels safe.

The love bank takes your feelings and puts them in a safe place.

The love bank is contained within a set of values. PLV.

They remain.

They are stored up structures, beliefs, values that are in place.

This helps cash in your feelings correctly.

They prevent you from misusing your feelings.

Implications

Permanent Love Values provide:

Provides sense of security

Anxiety occurs when the fences of the heart are broken or flimsy.

People who don’t have good PLV don’t’ feel safe.

They feel nervous.

Always feel like danger is just around the corner. Unless the fences get mended, the anxiety will continue to well up and become overwhelming.

Build significance.

Taking feelings and investing them wisely builds significance.

Poor PLV, take love feelings and invest in losers. EG>women go for bad guy. Poor PLV.

Parents: need to build into your household, functional, correct PLV.

Know how to make feelings work in real world.

Discipleship: is teaching what is right and wrong PLV.

Their love banks are all messed up.

Don’t just provide PLF. Must provide PLV.

When you only give stimulation, you aren’t helping build a good love bank.

Need to teach them how to take their feelings and do the right thing with them.

Present love feelings

Need to be present in all love relationships.

Husband not just provide the check.

Must give love feelings.

Provides the fuel to go, go, go.

Depression occurs when PLF depleted.

Parents need to provide PLF that children have the fuel to receive discipline.

Discipleship:

Don’t let your CG become a dead zone, absent of PLF.

Recognize when your PLF are running low.

A good functioning love bank knows when vault has been broken into.

Assignment:

Word Study of Hamartia

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