Week 2

Week 2 – Love Ethics Handout

Biblical love in a Post Modern World Look up Matthew 24:12 Because lawlessness increased most people’s love will grow cold.

  • There was a time when the _________ worked; it understood ______________.
  • ______________ has destroyed relationships.

2Timothy 3ff But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. (People)Men will be:

  • lovers of self
  • lovers of money
  • boastful
  • arrogant
  • revilers
  • disobedient to parents
  • ungrateful
  • unholy
  • unloving
  • irreconcilable
  • malicious gossips
  • without self-control
  • brutal
  • haters of good
  • treacherous
  • reckless
  • conceited
  • lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God
  • holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power;

In summation: 1. World is full of anti-Christian rage/views.

  • Why would the world hate Christ?
    • He tried to _________ people. That is why the world hated him. All Christ did was try to love people.
  • Look up 1 John 3:12:
    • Cain killed Abel because _________________. Christians in this culture will and are reviled because they are good; you must not shrink back; we must become more bold and not shrink back.___________________ especially when you discipline. You will be hated – if you are going to be hated win.
    • _________________________. Bold love is the only option that we have available to us. They have an answers? NOT! They have questions – but no answers.

2. There is lostness and confusion

  • They are so messed up and have no idea how things work.

3. People are coming to us from _________________________.

  • That defeat will be carried on into their ministry.
  • Healing – you must bring healing into the discipleship relationship – if you do discipleship you must know how to go back to the tribe and ___________ the relationship.

4. Moral ignorance

  • Expounded upon below

Church’s wrong view of love: Confused Christians Look up: 1 Corinthians 13:13 Christianity 101 is _______________________.

  • Saving faith, but not effective faith. Faith without the labor of love is dead.
  • Look up James 2:17
  • Vague presence:
  • Vague impact:
  • Clear materialism
  • Divorce rate is as high as non-believers.
  • Children are lost to the world.
  • Confused and wandering
    • We (at Xenos) could become just as confused. We preach grace and love.
    • What does love mean? No one knows how to love because we are sick as we can not powerfully love.

In the Future: full of emotional diseases

  • The inability to relate is devastating.
  • Depression is increasing by generation – unhappy mothers (2005)
  • Difficult to raise up leaders and to get people saved from the world.
  • There is a longer path to leadership.
  • We need a Christian love vocabulary.

Why Love Therapy?

  • Irreconcilable differences with the secular psychology.
    • Truth exists –
    • All disease and emotional upset begin with alienation from God .
      • The sickness is real but the reason is spiritual. Sin exists!
    • Man is totally depraved. This is the problem.
    • The problem is inside not outside

Basic assumptions: Love Therapy All love and much behavior – inherently irrational.

  • The human relationship is not rational – if you reason with people, you think they will love you. Alas, people love without reason.
  • People make irrational decisions:
    • My husband loves me for ________________ reasons.
    • You can not _______________ someone out of feeling bad.
      • Arguments are an absurd and unhelpful effort to reason with the irrational.
      • What is the conclusion of the argument?
        • The emotional energy is ____________________
        • An emotional argument is ________________
          • _____________________________________
          • __________________________________
      • There is a way to interact with principles and authority – Do not play the argument way.
        • Tell them what is right – true (use Biblical Principles)
      • Love is not lawlessness ______________________.
      • People want to tangle you up with argument – do not engage the enemy – do not reason.

Example of Irrational love:

  • Parents lie: this is a fact.
    • Good parents lie. Parents make their kids feel ___________. So they protect them and invest in them.
    • This is not a safe and loving world. Parents must teach that the world is ____and ______.
  • We don’t deserve love; yet, _____________________________________________.
  • People change by emotional motivation.
    • Physical reasoning – in order for me to love you I am going to withdraw my love from you. Also known as _______________________________.

The key to emotional health is __________________________________

  • Your parents loved you. It felt good to you as a kid.
  • Does it feel good now?
    • (Wear your jammies. Brush your teeth; don’t stay out late; work with a balanced budget, etc….. NAUSEATING.)


  • You can take care of yourself now.
  • Why don’t we extend this into our relationships?
  • I am depressed because I have not learned to _______________________.

I am stuck! How do I grow up? Christ sees the problems as they truly are:

  • Viewpoint matters!
    • Christ: “See things the way I do.”
    • Us: “I can’t. I’m wallowing in the mud.”
      • _____________________________________
  • Reactions do not matter.
    • Who cares how someone reacts to what you say.
      • How dare you talk to me that way!”
    • God is never intimidated by our fits and rage.

Illustration of Mommy and the little boy:I want ice cream!” boy. Mommy, “NO!” Boy, “But if you loved me, you’d give me the ice cream.” (as defined by me and my perceived needs.) Introduction of vocabulary: (Remember we need a new vocabulary for effectively loving.) Good example of victorious love output: “I am going to kill myself.” unstable patient to doctor. Doctor to patient, “You can do this, but I am not going to feel guilty about that.”

  • People are using suicide as a means to manipulate – remove their weapon – the weapon of guilt.
  • They want to use your own love demands against you. You cannot be affected and still go in and love that person and expect certain change or behaviors from them.

Back to Mommy & little boy:

  • Present love feelings

  • Permanent Love Values

  • Victorious Love Output


  • Mommy’s spoon – a butt whacker
  • Victorious love output is experienced in the _____________________.
    • In the home, you as a parent feel love – because you are doing the loving.
    • When the kid grows up, he doesn’t feel that he loves you.
    • Instead, he feels that there is something intrinsically lovable about the him.
    • The kids are on the receiving end of love.
    • Thus parents lie – because they(kids) do not deserve love.


    • Full of fun and activity and adventure.
    • Yard is away from the mommy. The kid is still at home due to the fence.
    • Kids are moving around and ________________. In that environment a person learns what makes love work.
    • The parents taught you some good things and some bad.
    • What they (your parents) taught you there is known as ___________________________
      • PLV are built here in the yard
      • The child feels very safe with a strong fence (the broken line in illustration).
        • Children need to feel safe.
      • With a poor fence, the PLV are are _____ and the child doesn’t feel ____.
    • Hanging out in the yard is _______________– follow these rules and things go well.
      • Tribal marriages _______________ rules.
      • Once you get out of your backyard; ______________________________
        • These rules no longer work.


        • Danger layer: car and truck can ____________________
        • Mommy knows how dangerous it is, but he is fascinated by it.
        • ______________________________ are experienced in the street.
          • These feelings are ______, _______ and _______ love feelings.
        • __________________ people who are out on the street and loving it.
          • How do you go from adventure in yard to big bad world?
          • People have not figured out how to move from the yard into the street in a successful way.
          • Infantiles
            • They are in the street, but it is dangerous.
              They run back home – unable to build PLV of their own. They take them from others.
            • I need to get out and do things: Kid is in the yard; runs into the street; mom brings the kid into the house and spanks him – his world is in crisis.

        We will continue to develop the aforementioned concepts in depth as this study continues. These are complex concepts. Do not expect to understand them fully at once. More understanding will occur as you apply these concepts to your own life experiences and work through them prayerfully with the Lord, applying his biblical principles to your circumstances, stepping out in committed faith, and hoping for the things or changes not yet seen. Each cell should bring more enlightenment and give you a forum to discuss your questions or insights. Remember: Dar and I are still working on grasping the depth and enormity of this material. Be patient with your self. Trust in God’s guidance for your life.

        HW – How was love defined and expressed in your family ?

        HW- Read Building a Love Ethic Article by Keith McCallum, April 18th, 2007 and answer last question.
        “How is it possible to change a relationship with parents unwilling to change it?”